Choke Artist

SITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2006-11-28T13:33:00.000-05:00

That's what you write when your website is messed up right? Anyway, I have zero time right now so posting has been suspended temporarily while I find some other contributors. Right now my work schedule and a test I am studying for leave me with little time to stay up to date on things. Hopefully things will be back to normal soon.

-Choke Artist

NFL PICKS

2006-11-17T16:18:00.000-05:00

It is official, JNR is the authority on NFL picks, so either stick with his picks or pick the opposite of us other two losers.

Choke Artist (8-16-1)...I swear I had a winning record before this competition started
Colts -1 Cowboys
Bengals +3 Saints
Pats -6 Packers
Lions +2 Cards
Seahawks -3.5 49ers

JNR (14-10-1)
Chi -7.0 NYJ
Mia -3.0 Min
Det +2.0 Ari
Ind -1.0 Dal
SD +2.5 Den

TB (9-16)
Colts -1 cowboys
Steelers -3 browns
Titans +13 Eagles
Bears +7 Jets
G-Men -3.5 Jags

SUICIDE POOL
CHIEFS OVER RAIDERS...yes I'm scared. 6 people left fighting for $6,000.

FOR DOUGH
JNR (-$20) takes Miami and gives Choke Artist (+$20) 3 points with the Vikes

TRU WARIER

2006-11-16T15:19:00.000-05:00

In honor of Ron Artest being on my fantasy basketball team, I named my team Tru Warier's. Tru Warier is Artest's nickname for himself...or hhis hip-hop name or something along those lines. I heard that his record sold one copy during its first week although I don't know if it's true.

Anyway, the website, TruWarier.com is great and has terrific features like Ron-Ron in a turtleneck, which sadly is a wallpaper. My favorite was when I went to the charity section and clicked on pictures. There is only one picture and it is Artest in a Pacers jersey in front of a video camera. Keep doin it for the kids Ron.

Oral Sensations!

2006-11-16T10:34:00.000-05:00

Oral Roberts shocked #3 Kansas last night in an tourney-type upset. Bill Self really must regret being embarassed by a mid-major which he used to coach at. The Oral's lost their first game of the season- to Loyola-Marymount. Since this isn't 1996 anymore, this looks really bad for Kansas, the second top team to be upset this week (BC lost to Vermont on Monday). Kansas was bounced from last year's tournament by Bradley. And the rise of the mid-majors continues. Someone who knows nothing about basketball will win your NCAA pool again this year.

F U, I'm Leon Waashington!

2006-11-15T10:18:00.000-05:00

Leon Washington is giving the finger on his football card. I want it.

I just became like a proud father because he's on my fantasy team.

If this is any "Sign of the Future", I predict that someone is going to get F*cked.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2662669

HIT-NA

2006-11-14T10:52:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUibVcm-GGE

A Rutgers-ology

2006-11-13T11:25:00.000-05:00

From Football Pool Doormat TB:

On November 9, 2006, something occurred in the sports world that once again proved why sports are better than movies. You just can't make some of these things up. Rutgers University pulled off one of the biggest upsets of all time as they came back to knock Louisville out of the National Championship picture. Let me explain before you start yelling out the USA over Russia in hockey in 1980 that prompted the movie miracle, Chaminade over Virginia in 1982, Villanova over Georgetown in 1985, or whatever else you have on your mind. This game ranks right up there with any of them. Look at the bigger picture and hopefully you'll understand a bit more.

Now to the naked eye, #15 in the country defeating #3 in the country doesn't seem like a big upset at all. I mean, after all #15 was playing in their own stadium. And after all, Auburn, Cal, and Texas got their hopes dashed by unranked teams. But to understand the significance of this victory, one must look into the history of Rutgers University football. After playing in the first College Football game ever, the football program at Rutgers University was the punch line of any joke involving football in the state of New Jersey for approximately...ever. They were downright pathetic. This team became synonymous with losing. Forget the fact that before last year they hadn't made a bowl since 1976 (which was the Garden State Bowl, essentially tailored to have the host school play in it). I could go on for hours discussing the sad past of Rutgers football, but instead I'll jump to 2001.

If you know anything about college football, you know that the current laughingstock of DI football is Temple University who just broke some losing streak that went back to the Clinton administration or something. Did you also know that in 2001, this same Temple University defeated Rutgers University 30-5? Yes thats right, Rutgers scored 5 points against Temple, and I believe it was Geoff Billet scoring all 5 points on 2 jump shots. Rutgers also lost 61-0 to Miami that year, and 80-7 to West Virginia. I wonder how they got the 7? The next year they started off their season by losing 37-19 to D1AA Villanova! And the game wasn't even close.

Lets just travel back to last year, where Rutgers lost 56-5 to the same Lousiville team that they defeated last Thursday. Take it from a lifelong Rutgers fan, there was not a moment during their 2nd half comeback that I thought they would actually win. When Jeremy "the Judge" Ito missed the 33 yard field goal at the end of the game, I wasn't surprised at all. Misery was what I came to expect with Rutgers football. I believe the phrase "snatching defeat from the jaws of victory" was probably uttered for the first time by someone watching a Rutgers game. Then it happened. Offsides, on Louisville, second chance at the kick, boom, 137 years ofsuffering right down the drain.

Once you look into the past of this program, you begin to understand why I chose to rank this as one of the biggest upsets in sports history...okay maybe I got a little carried away by comparing it to some other great upsets but if you're from New Jersey you understand the disbelief that is still running through my mind, even on Monday morning. Words cannot describe it.

Now this morning, I go on SI.com (praying to God I wouldn't see a Bears over Giants headline- God failed to answer my prayers), and I see a poll on the website entitled "Which one loss team has the best shot at making the BCS title game?" It then lists 8 one loss teams with opportuinites to vote. After checking once or twice through, I noticed they did not include Rutgers in this poll AT ALL (but they included Wake Forest who is ranked about 17th and who plays in the oh so competetive ACC...yes that is sarcasm). This same belief was shared by my buddy Lee Corso, who was so strongly against Rutgers playing in the National Championship game,I would have thought he was a derranged Louisville fan. Oh what is that you say? Corso coached Lousiville from 1969 to 1972? Shocker!

Look I'm not calling for Rutgers to play in the national championship game or trying to say they are better than Ohio State, Michigan, Florida, USC, etc. Hell, I'm not even convinced they will beat West Virginia later in the season (typical thought process of a Rutgers fan). All I'm saying is give the Scarlet Knights some credit for what they have done. When is the last time #6 in the BCS standings was given such little respect? Run it over in your mind before you hate on Rutgers. It's time to given the State University of New Jersey the props it rightfully deserves. That's all, just had to vent a little bit. By the way, if R U goes undefeated and Ohio State doesn't play in the Nat'l Championship, Ray Rice may be the most deserving Heisman candidate.

Note from the Choke Artist:

If the following unlikely circumstances occur, Rutgers REALISTICALLY has a chance to play for the title:

1. Cal Beats USC
2. USC Beats Notre Dame
3. RU Beats WVU
4. Florida loses the SEC Championship game or @ FSU
5. Michigan/Ohio State gets blown out or finishes w/2 losses.

That's it, 5 things and Rutgers is in! Almost as improbable as a 9-0 start....

NFL Midseason Awards

2006-11-10T13:33:00.000-05:00

Contributed From the "Spotlight" Section of Pharfle. Their homepage is http://www.pharfle.blogspot.com/

NFL MID SEASON AWARDS

Best AFC team: Colts (8-0)... hands down. Proved it against the Patriots IN Foxboro. Will they go undefeated? NO... will they get homefield advantage? YES... will it matter? We will see.

Best NFC team: The winner of the Giants (6-2) v. Bears (7-1) Sunday night game can claim this title. This is a huge game as it will play the tie breaker down the road for playoff seeding.

NFL MVP: The NFL is becoming like the NBA or MLB when you could have given the award to Shaq or Bonds EVERY YEAR during like a 5-6 year stretch... but you didn't because greatness and domination became somewhat expected... so I am assuming that you know I am going to elect Peyton Manning (QB Colts) as Pharfle's mid-season MVP. Peyton has thrown for 2291yds, 17TD's and only 3 picks with a QB rating of over 106.... oh and his team is THE BEST TEAM IN THE NFL....

Honorable-mention MVP for Fantasy STUDS Ladaian Tomlinson, and Drew Brees

COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR AFC: The league's leading receiver resides in Houston. The Texans' Andre Johnson went from below average #1 receiver to the top of the league (more yards than Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, and Larry Fitzgerald). Johnson has 754 yds, 4 TD's and 35 1st downs!!

COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR NFC: QB Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints. A mediocre team on paper is making a strong case for the playoffs based on the arm of their QB. He seems completely recovered from his injury and was probably drafted too low in everyone's fantasy leagues. Idiots.

AFC DUD: The Miami Dolphins have to be vomiting over the fact that they passed up on Drew Brees for Daunte Culpepper. Although his stats aren't atrocious, he has not shown the mobility and arm strength they got him to showcase. His offensive lines ALWAYS collapses and he has not proven to be a good decision maker under pressure. It is clear that he has not healed completely and has been benched for Joey Harrington (probably) until next season. Dolphins over-hyped again.... Ya think they miss Ricky Williams?

NFC DUD: Chris Simms... Maybe it is in bad taste to give this "honor" to a man with a spleen injury, but Tampa Fans NEVER thought they would be riding the Bruce Gradkowski train. I mean... did you know who he was until last month? The Bucs playoff hopes are almost dead.

NFL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: This one isn't even close! On a team that drafted a future All-Pro in Reggie Bush, the Saints Marques Colston is turning cornerbacks heads right and left. He has amassed an impressive 700yds and 7TD's. He was picked at the tail end of the draft and has paid IMMEDIATE dividends. Kudos to the New Orleans Scout squad.

SUPER BOWL PREDICITON: Manning v. Manning.... wouldn't TV LOVE that?

Pharfle ALL FANTASY TEAM
QB: Peyton Manning (IND)
RB: Ladanian Tomlinson (SD)
RB: Larry Johnson (KC)
RB: Stephen Jackson (STL)
WR: Marques Colston (NO)
WR: Torry Holt (STL)
TE: Alge Crumpler (ATL)
K: Rob Gould (CHI)
DEF: BALTIMORE

If I may add myself some other guys who you may not have expected to tear up the fantasy leagues this year:

QB: M. Vick (3rd among QB's), J. Kitna
RB: K. Jones, W. Parker (5th, 6th among RB's)
WR: Javon Walker (#1), Reggie Brown
TE: D. Clark, K. Winslow
DEF: San Diego

Biggest busts must be Cadillac WIlliams and LaMont Jordan

Freudian Slip?

2006-11-10T11:51:00.000-05:00

An actual headline from MSNBC.com, and how it should be after this week. After all, just because a team has exceeded original expectations doesn't mean they should be punished at this point in the season.

• No. 3 Rutgers Stuns No. 15 Louisville

R Who? That's Right.

2006-11-10T11:32:00.000-05:00

That's right, Rutgers beat the beast of the Big East last night and is still undefeated. After a thrilling comeback, R U should move up to about #8 in the BCS. Only problem is it would take A LOT of help for them to have any chance of getting consideration for a National Championship. Now this wouldn't be quite as much of a disappointment as Auburn missing out a couple years ago, but this could be another case for the BCS system to be abolished.

Think about what a great cinderella story it would be for Rutgers to get a crack at the title against the likes of Ohio State. Under this system, it won't happen. If the tourney system works for college basketball, why not an 8-team tournament for football? 7 bowl games in the tournament, and then keep the additional bowl games for the other teams. This would allow a chance for all undefeated teams, regardless of the conference. Florida looked terrible against Vanderbilt last week and has one loss, but this system keeps them ahead of the team who just took out # 3 in the country.

Is Rutgers better than Ohio State? Probably not, but we'll never know.

Mark your calendars for December 2. Rutgers vs. West Virginia.

Football Picks

2006-11-10T11:05:00.000-05:00

After a collective suck last week, we'll all try and get back on track.

TB (7-13) - Hope you're not betting these games for real
KC-1 Mia
Dal -7 Ari
Den -9 Oak
Ten +7.5 Bal
Sea -3 Stl

Choke Artist (7-12-1)- Obviously unqualified to run this site
KC -1 Mia
Cle +8 Atl
NO +4 Pitt
Min -5.5 GB
Det -6 SF

JNR (10-9-1) - At least someone has a winning record
NYJ +10.5 NE
Dal -7.0 Ari
Oak +9.0 Den
SD -1.5 Cin
KC -1.0 Mia

For $
Choke Artist takes Rams and 3 points to beat JNR's Seahawks in Seattle

Suicide Pool
Monday Night, Panthers over Bucs

When You're Rich, It Doesn't Matter if You're a Hick

2006-11-08T15:44:00.000-05:00

Jeff Gordon married this Belgian model the other day. This from MSNBC.com:

"Vandebosch, who began modeling at age 12, according to an online biography, has also dated former Baltimore Orioles star Brady Anderson".

Maybe she stopped dating him when his balls shrunk to the size of peas after his 50 homerun season.

JUST BALLIN!

2006-11-08T14:16:00.000-05:00

The Giants will need to be ballin pretty hard to beat Da Bears on Sunday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXc2CU7isUw

Florida vs. Georgia

2006-11-07T12:42:00.000-05:00

Great clip from the ladies room, thanks Chrissy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X0xtKKQJi0

What's Golden?

2006-11-06T09:31:00.000-05:00

A Guest Post by JNR (sorry, the stats don't line up correctly in this format)

Top SS fielding stats

3. O Cabrera Games Innings TC PO A Errors DP FPCT
LAA SS 152 1320.2 645 252 377 16 100 975%

2. D Jeter
NYY SS 150 1292.1 610 214 381 15 81 975%

1. M Young
TEX SS 155 1356.1 747 241 492 14 113 .981%

So the Choke Artist asked me to defend Jeter’s accomplishment of winning the gold glove. Jeter is obviously one of the better shortstops in the AL, so the Gold Glove is by no means a sham. The stats, however, point to Texas shortstop Michael Young. So here is a breakdown of the oft-ignored fielding statistics.

TC (total chances) is a controversial stat. This stat has a direct impact on the other stats. For example, the more TC’s you get, the more A’s (assists) you should have. So you can turn this into a positive stat for Jeter by projecting he would have all higher numbers and be closer to Young’s PO’s (put-outs) and A’s. Here’s the problem- Jeter has more errors and a lower FPCT(fielding percentage) already. So by adding over 100 TC’s to Jeter, his errors would most likely go up and his FPCT would likely stay the same or at least remain close.

With Young having so many more TC’s, his stats should be lower in FPCT and go up in errors. This did not happen. Instead Young has a better FCPT and less errors, so he could be considered more consistent.

As a Yankee fan I would love to give thousands of valid reasons for Jeter’s third straight gold glove. Well here are two.

1. Jeter is a Yankee and Young is a Ranger.
2. Jeter is the defending gold glove winner.

As the defending gold glove winner you have to be “dethroned” because you are fresh in the minds of the voters. Are Young’s stats so overwhelming that he should have won over the defending gold glove SS? It’s a tough question because fielding stats do not often separate themselves dramatically.

The voters for the gold gloves are managers and coaches. Do they look at stats before they vote? Or is the Gold Glove more of an arbitrary decision?

In my honest opinion, its not that Jeter didn’t deserve it, but Young deserved it more.

Sorry, but I can't provide a justified defense of Jeter's defense.

Football Week 9

2006-11-03T14:12:00.000-05:00

JNR tries to extend his lead after a 5-0 record last week.

TB
Green Bay -3 Buffalo
New Orleans +1 Tampa Bay
Atl +5.5 Detroit
Minnestoa +5 49ers
Giants +13 Texans

JNR
NO -1.0 TB
GB +3.0 Buf
ATL -5.5 Det
Min -5.5 SF
NYG -13.0 Hou

Shartist
When in Romo +3 Brunell's Grandkids
Fudge Packers -3 The Loss-men
Fred Smoot's Army of Whores +5 Alex Smith's Army of Mormons
Drew Brees's Shit Stain +1 Suckaneers and Simms's spleen
The Michael Vick Show +5.5 Kitna & Co.

For $$$$, Choke Artist to left, JNR to right
Raiders -7.5 Seahawks
Broncos +2.5 Steelers

SUICIDE POOL
G-MEN over Texans

Want to Win Next Year?

2006-11-03T12:54:00.000-05:00

Well if your MLB team wants to win next year, you need Daisuke Matsuzaka. The MVP of the World Baseball Classic is coming to the US. Not only is he probably a better free agent than Zito and Schmidt, he has a special advantage. His advantage is that it takes hitters at least a year to figure out pitchers from Asia. Think about it, Hideo Nomo's only All-Star season was his rookie year in 1995. Here's a name that might ring a bell- Hideki Irabu, the fat bastard that flamed out with the Yankees after starting off untouchable. Byun-Hyun Kim had two years with an ERA under 3 before, well he sucks now. Get it?

So if the time is now, the pitcher is Dai-Mat. He had everyone fooled in the World Baseball Classic, just like he will in MLB next year. But who knows, he could become the first Asian pitcher to ever last in the majors. Hey why don't the Mets waste their money on this guy rather than Glavine? Would you call it Kaz Matsui syndrome?

How your favorite team may acquire him is a different story and it's very complicated. This might help: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?id=2645777

Happy Anniversary Bill!

2006-11-02T14:45:00.000-05:00

To comemorate the last championship won by the Mets and the 20th anniversary of Bill Buckner's blunder, I dressed up as him for Halloween. I should have bought a Sox hat, but seriously, I would never wear it again. So here was the setup:

-Rod Sox shirt, complete with Buckner #6 on the back
-Eye black (done the old school with a burnt cork)
-Big fake mustache
-Glove
-Baseball suspended between my legs, attached with fishing line
-The Result (ok I should have gotten a better pic to post here but I wasn't thinking about it):

Barroid

2006-11-02T14:39:00.000-05:00

I was invited to an "offensive tshirt party" next week and set about finding myself one that I really liked. If you go to tshirthell.com, prepare yourself to be offended and to laugh. If only they shipped faster, I would be the proud owner of this shirt:

And now for my latest conspiracy theory: Bonds has entered free agency with the plan of fading out of baseball. It's perfect, he only played about half the time this season and he can use his injuries as an excuse to leave the game. Sammy Sosa did quite a nice fade-out, and I wouldn't be surprised if Barry did the same. At this point, no one wants him to break the record (which he could feasibly do next year). Imagine how awkward it would be? My guess- either he doesn't sign anywhere or he signs and just plays a couple games before his injuries "become too much to bear". You heard it here first...well you should of because I didn't hear that from anyone else.

Maria Sharapova

2006-11-01T17:00:00.000-05:00

Some Sharapova swimsuit pics courtesy of Jose'.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/2006_swimsuit/models/06_maria_sharapova_17.html

WHY??????

2006-11-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

In a move that mirrors our hellish old regime, the following has been reported by ESPN.com:

Glavine and the Mets are "deep in discussions" on a two-year, $25 million contract, according to a report in the New York Daily News.

God, use the money to sign a top free agent, seriously Glavine does not have two better years left than a guy we can get for comparable money? He's old and he's a Brave, so let him go back. If he had won Game 5 he would have been a Met, but he didn't. Sign Zito or sign Schmidt, but just don't sign this old man. Pedro and our mystery ace could anchor a rotation balanced out with our talented young pitchers. Didn't we learn our lesson from having too many old guys this year?? See: Pedro injury, El Duque injury, Trachsel sucking.

NFL PICKS

2006-10-31T23:00:00.000-05:00

JNR dominates the picks this week with a perfect 5-0.

JNR (9-5-1)
Titans -3.0 Texans (W)
Pats -2.5 Vikes (W)
Browns -1.5 Jets (W)
Falcons +4.5 Bengals (W)
Raiders +9.0 Steelers (W)

Choke Artist (6-8-1, 20-18-2 season)
Falcons +4.5 Bengals (W)
Packers -3.5 Cards (W)
Chiefs -6 Seahawks (W)
Rams +8.5 Chargers (L)
Jets +1.5 Browns (L)

TB (6-9)
Rams +8.5 Chargers (L)
Jets +1.5 Browns (L)
Pats -2.5 Vikings (W)
Packers -3.5 Cards (W)
49ers +16 Da Bears (L)

SUICIDE POOL: BEARS (W, 7-1) that was an easy one...

South Beach Waxing

2006-10-31T22:48:00.000-05:00

The NBA season tipped off last night with what should have been a good matchup. NBA games typically see a team that is trailing make a run to make the game somewhat interesting in the second half. Well, the Bulls dominated the Heat from the start in Miami last night and won by 42 (!) points over the defending champs. Heinrich and Duhon lit it up, but they got just 15 combined points from Big Ben, PJ Brown, and Flash Gordon. It will be interesting to see if the Bulls can find enough scoring this season starting Brown and Wallace- they will surely get defense and rebounding, but have little interior offensive presence.

Meanwhile, D-Wade shot some fancy bank shots with the new basketball and scored 25 on 10-15. The rest of the Heat shot just 15-50 or 30%. Shaq had 7 and 5. The champs have the worst record in basketball as of day 1.

It's only the first game, but can the Bulls come out of the East this year?

Mrs. Brees Seems a Bit Looney

2006-10-31T08:53:00.000-05:00

Drew Brees hasn't spoken to his mom since he turned her down as his agent. Huh? Imagine how embarrassing that would be, would he ever hear the end of it if mommy was his agent? "Drew, now tell Joey Horn that he should hire me as his agent also or you're not invited to Thanksgiving".

Now Brees' mother has started putting his face in commercials in her political campaign for her candidacy for a Texas appeals court. Brees has gotten to the point where he was considering pressing charges because she wouldn't answer any of his phone calls. She also didn't have the wherewithal to get that giant poop stain removed from her son's face when he was younger.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2644387

Stop Watching Porn and Play the Game

2006-10-30T16:19:00.000-05:00

The Sporting Chance Clinic assists athletes with addictive illnesses and has been assigned to help players in the English Premier League with their...internet porn obsession. Personally, if I was in the Premiership I would use my spare time for more "live" porn, if you will. According to a spokesman for the clinic, "It becomes a problem when he is doing it 14, 15, 16 times and then when he stops, he is playing a football game and he is thinking `I can't wait to get back to that site'."

Um, yeah. I hope these guys aren't making a run up the sideline when they suddenly think, "damn I can't wait to get home and break out the hand lotion". We wouldn't want lapses in concentration like that, it could diminish the quality of the game.

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=388746&cc=5901

Tiki Barber and the Hall of Fame

2006-10-29T21:11:00.000-05:00

Attium Kiambu Barber, a.k.a Tiki Barber may actually be able to get into the Hall of Fame if he retires this year at the age of 31. Tiki had just 68 rushing yards this week, but has been incredible in the first 7 games this season. He is second only to Brian Westbrook in yards per carry among starting RB's. He also leads the league in rushing (pending Chester Taylor's game tomorrow) and yards from scrimmage. So here's the history courtesy of the Stat Rat:

He's currently #21 on the all-time rushing leaders list. The only guys ahead of him on the list who have a higher yards per carry average than his 4.6 are Jim Brown, OJ Simpson, Joe Perry and Barry Sanders. If he had another year and a half similar to the last two years, he would move up to about 14th on the all-time list. He is one of only 6 players to have 4- 200 yard games in their career. The others on the list? OJ, Brown, Earl Campbell, Sanders and LaDanian Thomlinson.

Unlike most running backs, he has gotten better with age. His average per carry for the last 4 years is 4.8 yards. He's also been amazingly durable. In 10 years, he's only missed two games. He's led the league in yards from scrimmage for the last two years and is leading again this year. His 2390 total last year is the second best of all time, only 39 yards behind Marshall Faulk's best year. Remember, Faulk was the best player in the league for at least 3 years. If he has a few more good years, he even has a chance to crack the top 20 in all-time career receptions.

That's just a snapshot, I'm sure we can dig up some other impressive stats as well. By the way, the Giants haven't lost since he announced his retirement intentions.

MORE TIKI

2006-10-27T14:37:00.000-04:00

Next week, I have a couple good outside contributions on Tiki Barber, including his case for the Hall of Fame. Should be a good time so come back soon ya heard.

NFL Picks

2006-10-27T14:22:00.000-04:00

Is it worth it? Probably not, but here are this week's picks. Hey, Bill Simmons is getting whooped by his wife this season, give us a break!

JNR (4-5-1)
Titans -3.0 Texans
Pats -2.5 Vikes
Browns -1.5 Jets
Falcons +4.5 Bengals
Raiders +9.0 Steelers

Choke Artist (3-6-1, 17-16-2 season)
Falcons +4.5 Bengals
Packers -3.5 Cards
Chiefs -6 Seahawks
Rams +8.5 Chargers
Jets +1.5 Browns

TB (4-6)
Rams +8.5 Chargers
Jets +1.5 Browns
Pats -2.5 Vikings
Packers -3.5 Cards
49ers +16 Da Bears

About Those Free Throws

2006-10-27T12:22:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't noticed, the Giants defense now celebrates by shooting imaginary free throws. It's really entertaining to see some of the bigger guys do it and to see the different variations as well. It came from the song "Just Ballin" by Jim Jones. Michael Strahan said that he wanted everyone to know that they "weren't playing football, they were 'Just Ballin'". Hopefully they were invited to Pacman Jones' birthday party.

http://www.newsday.com/sports/football/giants/ny-sppow264948410oct26,0,2769871.column?coll=ny-giants-print

Well Someone is an Idiot

2006-10-26T13:42:00.000-04:00

That means you Tom Jackson, and some guy named Gary Myers who writes for the Daily News. We all knew Michael Irvin was an idiot but Tiki Barber reminded us of that too. He criticised all these guys for called his discussion on retirement "a distration to the team" among other things. To be honest, I don't really know why he's doing it. Is he putting pressure on himself to win the Super Bowl? Granted, he is one of the more well-spoken athletes around, but would he rather pursue a career in TV than play a game for a living? I love Tiki Barber, but I can't help but think he (and most athletes) don't know what it's like to have a real job. IT SUCKS. And if he would rather go get a job in "finance or philanthropy" as this article suggested, I think he is the one who is the idiot.

Notes:
Tiki is at the peak of his career right now, leading the NFL in rushing and averaging 5.0 yards per carry. It seems like the more touches he gets, the better chance the Giants have of winning. If he retired today, there is a good chance that he would end up in the Hall of Fame (more coming on this soon). His backup Brandon Jacobs has looked damn good also and is probably ready to step in if necessary next year- although he hasn't shown Tiki-like pass catching ability.

What is with Michael Irvin's suits? They are the most God-awful looking things I've ever seen. How can they let him on TV with those? Does he dress himself or does someone at the network pick that crap out?

When In Romo...

2006-10-26T11:15:00.000-04:00

The Tuna has announced that Tony Romo will be his starting QB in this weeks game against the Panthers because Drew Bledsoe has cinderblocks tied around his ankles. This is a huge desperation move for the Cowboys who were supposed to be a contender this year. Last time a young QB started against the Panthers, I believe he had to have his spleen removed (see: Chris Simms).

Romo has been given the job based on his ability to be like Brett Favre- who throws really hard but not necessarily to his own team. In an ESPN poll, every state except for Texas and Oklahoma voted that Bledsoe should continue to start. Romo is in his 4th year out of Eastern Illinois and will be getting his first start ever. Dallas has dropped to 3-3 and 3rd place in the NFC East. Who would have thought the controversy in Dallas isn't revolving around T.O.?

Shaq Attacks

2006-10-25T13:03:00.000-04:00

"Deputy O'Neal, can you please collect all of the porno in the bedroom"

We all know that Shaq is technically a cop...or something. Well, he was reportedly involved in a child ponography raid on some guy's house in Virginia. Only problem- it was the wrong house. Shaq claims he wasn't there. To get the door of the house open, they had Shaq stand back about 10 feet and shoot a free throw at it.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2637639

Big East- Make it 2 Freaks

2006-10-25T12:59:00.000-04:00

I was corrected earlier that this is completely untrue and Hasheem Thabeet was considered ELIGIBLE for the upcoming basketball season. Wishful thinking I guess. Below, everything is wrong...enjoy!

Roy Hibbert remains the only freakish man-child in the Big East after UConn freshman and big-time NBA prospect Hasheem Thabeet was declared ineligible for the season (YES!). Big East officials said, "A Tanzanian education just isn't what it used to be, this kid can even throw a spear correctly". Things like this make you wonder how schools can bend the rules so much to get kids in. Thabeet was supposed to be UConn's starting center.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2638177

Chinese Air Is Dirty Anyway

2006-10-24T15:10:00.000-04:00

Bloomberg reported that some "businessman" in China was banned from selling "World Cup air". Li Jie was planning on grinding up grass from the fields in Germany and selling the "fragrance" in bags costing 50 yuan ($6.50) each. Only thing is the bags looked empty, and there was no evidence of whether they were actually made from the grass. Chinese authorities accused him of "profiteering" which sounds like "racketeering", but I'm not really sure what it means.

From Bloomberg: "Li came to prominence as chief executive of the company "Lunar Embassy in China,'' which tried to sell acre plots onthe moon for about $37. The ban on World Cup air had doomed his plan to sell air from the 2008 Olympics."

Not sure how that makes him prominent...or how he was getting the grass to China...or how he owned the moon...

Wouldn't it be awesome if he was just having World Cup players fart into the bags!? That's something I would buy.

Week 7 Picks

2006-10-24T07:53:00.000-04:00

Another weak week. Somehow I managed to go 10-3 in my office pool and win this week though...unfortunately I put 2 of my bad picks here (the tie was a win in my office pool because of .5 difference in spread). Next weeek will be better.

JNR (4-5-1)
Broncos 4.5 BROWNS (W)
Jags 9.5 TEXANS (L)
Eagles 5.0 BUCS (L)
BENGALS 3 Panthers (T)
Pats 5.5 BILLS (W)

Choke Artist (3-6-1, 17-16-2)
Broncos 4.5 BROWNS (W)
Chargers 5.5 CHIEFS (L)
Steelers 2.5 FALCONS (W)
BENGALS 3 Panthers (T)
Cards 3 RAIDERS (L)

TB (4-6)
Broncos 4.5 BROWNS (W)
COWBOYS 3 G-Men (W)
Eagles 5 BUCS (L)
Arizona 3 DON BOSCO PREP (L)
Chargers 5.5 CHIEFS (L)

SUICIDE POOL (L, 6-1) JAGS over TEXANS...I'll be buying back in and continuing to make picks here. 4 out of about 35 entries were left after this week.

50 Cent Joins Nova Nation

2006-10-23T13:00:00.000-04:00

As part of their Hoops Mania kickoff to the basketball season, Villanova coach Jay Wright brought out special guest Tony Yayo from G-Unit. After doing one song, Tony Yayo then brought out his own surprise guest, none other that 50 Cent. Not too shabby for one of the whitest white schools in the country.

http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/sports/colleges/15813906.htm?source=rss&channel=philly_colleges

The Doctor is IN

2006-10-23T11:16:00.000-04:00

If you watched the beginning of Game 2 last night you may have noticed the "doctoring" of the ball controversy that occurred with Kenny Rodgers. And you were probably watching it since Sunday Night Football wasn't on and there was basically no other choice (even though you don't care about either team playing). As Tommy LaSorda would say, "you're a baseball fan aren't you?" Or something like that.

From this picture of Kenny Rodgers you can see 2 things- 1) Rodgers has something funky on his palm, and 2) He has very hairy arms, even on the underside of them. I mean, that's some serious coverage.

Now Rodgers said it was dirt, but how could your hand really get that dirty without you knowing? I mean, the thing was downright filthy. Especially if you're a pitcher, did he lick that thing or put it by his mouth when blowing on his hand to warm it up?

Regardless of how weird/gross/shady this situation was, Tony LaRussa didn't seem to care about it after the game, saying that he never likes to take anything away from an opponent. Well Rodgers took the series lead away from the Cards, 1-1 with a good pitching matchup in Game 3.

Giants Trade Looking Better

2006-10-23T08:58:00.000-04:00

Many people don't realize that the Eli Manning- Phillip Rivers draft day swap also included another huge piece- a pick later in the round which the Chargers would turn into phenom Sean Merriman. Merriman was Defensive Rookie of the Year last year with 54 tackles and 10 sacks. He was on another torrid pace this year, with 5.5 sacks in 6 games. The trade kept looking worse and worse for the G-men...until now.

Merriman was suspended 4 games for our favorite activity- JUICING! Yep, the guy they call "lights out" tested positive for steroids and may not be as good as we thought. I mean, look at Adrian Beltre.

WEEK 7 PICKS

2006-10-20T17:10:00.000-04:00

Is it even worth doing these picks since last week was so bad? Probably not but we're doing it again anyway.

JNR (2-3)
Broncos 4.5 BROWNS
Jags 9.5 TEXANS
Eagles 5.0 BUCS
BENGALS 3 Panthers
Pats 5.5 BILLS

Choke Artist (1-4, 15-14-1)
Broncos 4.5 BROWNS
Chargers 5.5 CHIEFS
Steelers 2.5 FALCONS
BENGALS 3 Panthers
Cards 3 RAIDERS

TB (2-3)
Broncos 4.5 BROWNS
COWBOYS 3 G-Men
Eagles 5 BUCS
Arizona 3 DON BOSCO PREP
Chargers 5.5 CHIEFS

SUICIDE POOL (6-0): Jags over TEXANS
Teams used: Cards, Bengals, Ravens, Eagles, Colts, Cowboys

We are trying to use the spreads from this website a/o Thursday.

GAME 7

2006-10-20T08:10:00.000-04:00

Not much to say. I guess this series was exciting, and last night was a great game. I think that Heilman needs to be made a starter after that debacle. Next year's rotation could be Maine, Heilman, Perez, Bannister, Pelfrey and Pedro of course if he's healthy. And I'm ok with that. Add Schmidt/Zito/Willis and the team would be right back next year. A full preview after the pain wears off a bit.

Later today: Just expect the weekly football picks, the game contributed to me getting 3 hours of sleep last night.

Inside the Mind of a Met Fan

2006-10-18T20:15:00.000-04:00

So far this series has been so frustrating that I haven't written too much about it. To me, the key has been a lack of patience at the plate and an inability to advance runners and manufacture runs. Buckner's error in the 1986 World Series was in Game 6, which makes me feel better. We have a graphic of a black space with lots of question marks in it for our Game 7 starter on Fox, which makes me feel sick.

Willie Randolph on 660 The Fan...I wish I was this confident:

"After we win tonight we're going to have to keep our pitchers on a short leash tomorrow."

"We're going to have to make our travel plans. We're going to Detroit on Friday".

First Inning
Maine throws a strike to Eckstein, then drops the throw back to the mound, then almost beans him on the next pitch- in the FACE. Yikes. Ok, he's out.

My mom called Spezio's chin creature "nauseating", he gets booed like he's Braden Looper. [Extreme closeups of the pitchers should be phased out next year] Spezio continues to pretend he's a good baseball player and gets on.

Pujols up, Met fans wet ourselves. He delivers- of course.

Shea is as scared as I am. A decent amount of fans at this game don't know what it's like to be confident in their team. Encarnacion is beaned pretty hard- I like it but I don't. The once-intimidating Scott Rolen up with bases loaded. Drama ends. 6 Met fans have died of heart attacks in the last 17 minutes.

After hitting the ball on the fly to the outfield wayyy to much this series, Ho-Rey cranks one and then dances...and he keeps jittering around for the next 5 minutes. Wouldn't people rather watch Reyes dance for another week than look at Spezio's chin creature? The Duca and the Carlos's go quietly. 1-0.

Second Inning
Does Ronnie Belliard stick his tongue out this much when he's not playing baseball? Imagine him going out with the guys and doing that while ordering food at a nice restaurant. I could totally see him doing that at a strip club though.

Is Maine settling in or are the Cardinals just sucking? If I wasn't typing I think I would need a stress ball right now. 2 in the books.

David Wright's playoff beard needs to be shaved between innings. He is a suck lately. Green gets a hit but everyone in my house still hates him because he can't get to any balls in the outfield (see: every triple hit in the series).

Valentin, lookin good at 2-0 but grounds into a DP, bringing up 8-9 ahead of Ho-Rey in the next inning. Not good.

COMMERCIAL- That's Napoleon Dynamite right? I'm not 100% sure, is it?

Third Inning
An Eckstein in scoring position, no outs. McCarver, is this a "Bonds-like situation" that we are walking Pujols in? First base open, 1 out- I say no. Scary line out from Edmonds, Eck to third on Mr. Spagetti Arm in right. Maine Event blows one by Encarnacion even though we were all hoping for another HBP for comical reasons.

STL: 5 men LOB through 3. Either this is a good sign or a slippery slope. We'll see.

Endy is safe! Now 1-for-247 on drag bunts this year. We'll take it, speed kills baby. Maine can't help his cause, bunts the ball foul for an out. You hate to see that.

The "Jose, JoseJoseJose" chant has to be one of the best in baseball. If you haven't heard it, it mimics the Ole' soccer chant. Good times. Mets continue to NOT move runners over.

BELLIARD JUST PLOPPED HIS FREAKING FAT ASS ON REYES INTENTIONALLY, THAT WAS OBVIOUS. HIT THIS FAT BASTARD IN THE NEXT INNING. HARD. He wasn't even leaning towards the way he fell. I hope he bit his stupid tongue.

4th Inning
Rolen out, time to hit the fat f*ck Belliard. Ok struck him out. Maybe next time. Ok, how about hitting Belliard and striking out Molina, not striking out Belliard and walking Molina. Whatever, inning over.

Was that a Beltran shift? Where was Eckstein? Delgado smokes one- right at Edmonds, again runner is stuck. Wright wakes up, possibly just in time.

The stationary object Shawn Green is up, BANG 2-0! Was that a Shawn Green shift? Where was Eckstein? Just got a text from my brother "Shawn Green has two hits and an RBI, the world is going to end."

5th Inning
2 quick outs, I barely sat down from my pee break. When I went to the NLDS game, my buddy Timma's brother informed me that the Pujols pronunciation on MLB.com is POO-HOLES. Outstanding. He sure look more like POO-HOLES than Pujols on that. We roll.

Maine K's, he's staying in the game. Reyes is on base. Huge. Hasn't happened much lately. Short sentences. Fat ass makes a nice play, we are done in the 5th.

6th Inning
Maine is in the high 90's in pitch count. It is vital that he makes it through this inning. Mota-Heilman-Wagner trifecta would be huge. Too bad Duarner Sanchez got in a cab accident because The Maine Event is coming out after a walk and fly out. I DO NOT LIKE IT. They have not been hitting the ball hard, a bit too much micro-manging here? Looks like we're going to the specialist Brad Chadford and he goes 3-0 to the inept Rolen. DOUBLE PLAY! I SMELL MOMENTUM! ...Bradford makes his manager look good.

Pedro Serrano and Wright go down quickly. Mr. Spagetti Arm the Staionary Object looks at strike 3. This game has turned uneventful- which I guess is a good thing.

7th Inning
Well, that hit to open the 7th was unsettling. So is the fact that Bradford is still in the game. But BRADEN LOOPER IS WARMING UP! YES!

Bradford submarines a pickoff throw for some reason. Coach's son is pinch hitting, and WTF? WILLIE IS BRINGING IN FELICIANO, WHO DUNCAN HOMERED OFF OF LAST NIGHT. Not good. MOTA IN! WILLIE IS F'ING WITH EVERYONE! Feliciano even started to come out of the bullpen. What is going on? Good or bad? I'm dying here!

WILLIE...BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!! Another DP.

Why are we bunting on the first pitch off of Looper? This guy gives away runs more than Planned Parenthood gives away condoms. I think we got 6 or 7 more wins just by not having him on the team this year.

Tucker just DOGGED it to first, might have been able to get a double...very lucky steal on the pitch out, Molina shat himself there. Another steal- second and third for Dookie. BAM 4-0!

BRADEN LOOPER, THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!!!!! And he's coming out, unfortunately. And the inning is over.

But not before a Scott Rolen error- the A-Rod of St. Louis. Chew on it.

8th Inning
Poo-Holes turns back into Pujols, nice piece of hitting. And BYYAAHHHHH! Heilman gets everyone else out. Wagner will try to be the anti-Looper in the 9th.

Shawn Green takes one in the ass (no comment). "Man" on first.

***COMPUTER CRASHED HERE***

9th Inning

This is written from memory because the computer was pulling a Billy Wagner on me, who nearly pulled a Braden Looper. After the announcers said Rolen couldn't catch up with any fastballs about 18 times, Wagner throws him a breaking ball and suddenly the tying run is at the plate. At the end of the contract of every Mets closer there is a line that says "I swear to keep every game interesting, regardless of the score". Wagner survived, but added yet another question mark to Game 7. How I'm making it through this work week, I have no idea.

Check out this Sack

2006-10-18T14:56:00.000-04:00

One of the best football sacks you'll ever see. Courtesy of soon to be contributor TB (master of sack).

http://youtube.com/watch?v=aErFwwUf9XE

POSTS TODAY

2006-10-18T10:03:00.000-04:00

Everything today may be delayed until this evening. Very busy work week for me combined with not wanting to write anything really angry during the game last night.

Meathead Alert

2006-10-17T09:32:00.000-04:00

The Miami-FIU brawl this weekend was one of the worst in recent history, with punches, helmet-swinging, stomping, and wrestling among the various activities on the field. The announcer from the local station that was broadcasting the game offered the following commentary:

“Now, that’s what I’m talking about,” Thomas said as the brawl raged out of control. “You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don’t come into the OB playing that stuff. You’re across the ocean over there. You’re across the city. You can’t come over to our place talking noise like that. You’ll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing...I say, why don’t they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ball game and get it on some more? You don’t come into the OB, baby,” Thomas said. “We’ve had a down couple years but you don’t come in here talking smack. Not in our house.” http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15290690/

I don't really know how fromer Hurricane Lamar Thomas knew what kind of "noise" was being "talked" during this altercation, but it sure had him fired up. I'm sure the other announcer felt a lot like Mike Myers did when Kanye West went off on his "George Bush hates black people" tangent after Hurricane Katrina. You don't come into the OB and get away with it. YOU DON'T!

Sausage Links

2006-10-17T09:12:00.000-04:00

Mike Tyson wants to fight girls since he can't beat up any real boxers anymore. http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/boxing/news/story?id=2628718

Here begin the A-Rod trade rumors that I predicted. They will intensify right about when the Mets reach the World Series. http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2628823

Randy Foye, future ROY. http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2628823

Seriously, one of the biggest CHOKES in a long time. I bet Brock wishes he accepted my blockbuster Grossman trade last week though http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=clayton_john&id=2628964

Albert Pujols, excuse machine. By the way, in this picture I wouldn't call that a steroids body. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15295023/

NFL Week 6 Picks

2006-10-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

Well this week was nothing short of a disaster for those picking football games on this website. Regression to the average for my picks apparently. Here were the results:

JNR (2-3)
Eagles 3 SAINTS (W)
FALCONS 3 Giants (W)
Bengals 6 BUCS (L)
Bills 1 LIONS (L)
SKINS 10 Titans (L)

TB (2-3)
Bengals 6 BUCS (L)
Seahawks 3 RAMS (L)
FALCONS 3 Giants (W)
Chargers 10 49ERS (W)
COWBOYS 13 Texans (L)

Choke Artist (1-4, 15-14-1)
JETS 2.5 Dolphins (W)
Bengals 6 BUCS (L)
Bills 1 LIONS (L)
STEELERS 7 Chiefs (L)
Bears 10.5 CARDS (L)

SUICIDE POOL (W, 6-0) COWBOYS over Texans

Sausage Links SLASH Weekend Notes

2006-10-16T10:51:00.000-04:00

Had a Jim Jackson sighting in South Beach this weekend at Wet Willie's (which has a variety of slushies made with grain alcohol). This brings my yearly NBA sightings to Jackson, Jay Williams, and Dikembe Mutumbo (Mutumbo's daughter is smoking hot).

Can Shawn Green get to ANY balls in right field? The Mets losses this weekend seemed to hinge completely on triples being hit to right field.

Ok, some links for ya:

18 year-old singers take on soccer hooligans: http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=385639&cc=5901

Link to the Miami-FIU brawl this weekend. Pretty low-class but you should watch it if you didn't see it yet. Remmeber some of the past Miami brawls? Do they practice their helmet swinging? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CvKD8Wzm1I

What was "The Duke" doing in the bullpen? Getting ready for the World Series, of course. http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2627838

Steven Jackson would shoot someone. For his team of course. http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2627260

SCORPION KICK!

2006-10-13T13:43:00.000-04:00

You've never heard of a scorpion kick before, so WATCH THIS. It's pretty much the opposite of the England video that I just posted. Credit to my brother, who will be doing his football picks as TB.

Schwing!

2006-10-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

Earlier today I posted the link to this video (which I found on Deadspin.com) of England's keeper Paul Robinson whiffing on a pass back to him, and creating a 2-0 lead for the underdog Croatians in Euro 2008 qualifying. This has, of course, cause a tremendous uproar in England with many blaming Robinson. Some more knowledgeable fans are blaming the pass back by Gary Neville. Nonetheless, this great picture was posted on ESPN Soccernet, which makes it look like Borat is sneering at the English demise. Ali G would be so proud of this Eastern European nation.

Sausage Links

2006-10-13T08:16:00.000-04:00

The Cardinals Stadium is now named after a "University" that many consider to be pretty un-legit. We were all secretly hoping that the bid for Pink Taco Satudium would have worked out. http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2623247

Thank God someone besides me realized that Jeff Weaver has sucked for a really long time. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/baseball/mlb/specials/playoffs/2006/10/12/nlcs.game1.ap/index.html

Being a huge soccer fan, I must share this video which Deadspin.com has up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohf4m94Yrwk I mean, that was a nasty bounce! haha.

Nationals deny that no one wants to play for them http://cbs.sportsline.com/mlb/story/9723454

NFL Picks Week 6

2006-10-13T07:54:00.000-04:00

My record currently stands at 14-10-1 after going 4-6 over the past 2 weeks. After putting some money down last weekend against my friend Jeff, we decided to compete on a weekly basis. Then my brother wanted in also. So here are the picks.

JNR
Eagles 3 SAINTS
FALCONS 3 Giants
Bengals 6 BUCS
Bills 1 LIONS
SKINS 10 Titans

TB
Bengals 6 BUCS
Seahawks 3 R AMS
FALCONS 3 Giants
Chargers 10 49ERS
COWBOYS 13 Texans

Choke Artist
JETS 2.5 Dolphins
Bengals 6 BUCS
Bills 1 LIONS
STEELERS 7 Chiefs
Bears 10.5 CARDS

SUICIDE POOL: COWBOYS over Texans
Teams used: Colts, Cards, Eagles, Ravens, Bengals

The Yankees Need Bruce Bowen

2006-10-12T11:02:00.000-04:00

Well I know there are a lot of Yankee fans who don't enjoy my incessant bashing of their favorite team, so let's examine the Yankees from a strictly strategical perspective today. After all, the next couple weeks are going to be filled with many Mets ramblings.

My theory about the Yankees is that they are exactly like Team USA Basketball. Too many superstars, not enough balance. Too many personalities, not enough team. USA Basketball almost got it right this year, bringing in players such as Shane Battier and Bruce Bowen, but then they cut Bowen and couldn't bring themselves to play Battier over guys like LeBron- and who could blame them? How could you sit Matsui in favor of Cabrera?

It's kind of a strange thought- the best players may not make the best team. It works in fantasy sports, but not in real life sports. Ron Jaworski drafted Keyshawn, T.O., and Randy Moss (I believe) as his fantasy wide receivers. Before the season started, it looked like a good core of receivers, but the other ESPN guys joked that his locker room would be a mess. The same concept applies in any sport, too many egos and too many personalities means there can be too many superstars. Last year's Team USA included Allen Iverson and Stephon Marbury.

The most difficult thing to imagine for General Managers is that they could get a better skilled player, but they should get a better "fit" player. So it could be argued that the spending done by the Yankees has been exactly what has contributed to their recent demise. Looking back at their championship teams, the 1998 team won 114 games, lost only two playoff games, and had very few superstars on it. I mean, regular starters on that team included Chad Curtis, Scott Brosius, Chuck Knoblauch, and Darryl Strawberry (way past his prime). Their pitchers had a 3.82 season ERA though, and looking at the lineup, Bernie, Tino and Jeter were probably the biggest names.

This year's Yankee postseason lineup consisted of Matsui, Giambi, Sheffield, and Abreu; who are all zillion dollar players that give you the same exact thing- a big power threat and no defense. It was as if there weren't enough places to hide these guys in the field. And as my buddy Jeff pointed out, Jeter and Posada were the only ones who had great numbers in the ALDS this year.

What actually happens with this All-Star team remains to be seen. My suggestion would be to keep Cano, Jeter, Posada, Cabrera, and Wang. Everyone else on the roster should have a price, and they may want to start finding out what those prices are.

Espen the Baby

2006-10-12T10:56:00.000-04:00

Remember that commercial when the cheerleader calls ESPN The Magazine "Espen The Magazine"? Well apparently these people didn't. A baby in Biloxi, Mississippi became the fourth person to actually have Espn as their first name. This situation was particularly weird though, because the baby's middle name is Montana, yes, after Joe Montana. It probably would have been less weird if they just went ahead and named the baby Joe Montana.

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/news/story?id=2615793

NBA Preseason

2006-10-12T08:27:00.000-04:00

NBA Updates- players of my interest in Preseason

-Nets rookie Marcus Williams was 2-10 shooting with 8 assists in his first game
-Nets "rookie" Jay Williams played 17 minutes, had 2 points, 4 TO's
-Nets 2nd year player Antoine Wright had 23 points and started
-Celtics rookie Allan Ray shot 3-10, scoring 9 points, 0-4 on 3pt FG
-Celtics rookie Rajon Rondo had a team-high 29 points on 8-13 shooting
-Summer League MVP Randy Foye scored just 4 points in 18 minutes
-T'Wolves rookie Craig Smith was 4-4, with 6 boards
-Hawks rookie Sheldon Williams had 12 points, 9 reb
-Rudy Gay started for Memphis, but shot just 6-16
-Grizz rookie Kyle Lowry shot just 1-7, but got to the line 14 times and scored 12, also 3 stls & 3 reb
-Ben Wallace had 7 pts, 9 reb in his first game with the Bulls (off the bench)
-Tyrus Thomas did start for Chicago, but had just 6 pts, 3 reb in 16 min

Sausage Links

2006-10-12T07:50:00.000-04:00

A-Rod wants Torre to come back as manager. Um, why? http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2622196

The White Sox love Slurpees. 7-11 bought their game times. Now the games will start at 7:11 instead of 7:07. For 4 minutes, I hope Sevs didn't pay too much. http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2621231

Culpepper says, "you're right, I do suck". http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15198472/

The Next Zumaya

2006-10-11T09:00:00.000-04:00

Joel Zumaya, the 22 year old flame thrower for the Tigers hit 103 mph on the radar gun against the Yankees last week- and it might not have been the most impressive pitch thrown at Comerica Park this year.

The Tigers have one of those radar guns set up outside the stadium, where fans can crap out their shoulder for the next 6 months while trying to hit 70 on the gun. So one afternoon, two brothers (ages 17 and 15) strolled up to the cage. The 17 year old proceeded to uncork a 95 mph pitch, stunning everyone around. Still in disbelief from that display, people were even more shocked when his 15 year old brother stepped up and zipped one in at 97.

The strangest thing about the whole situation is that the kids said they didn't even play baseball, they just used to whip the ball at each other in the backyard. The other thing is no one even knows who they are. My suggestion would be that someone find out.

Here is the original article from the Star Ledger:
http://www.nj.com/search/index.ssf?/base/sports-1/1160201190182870.xml?starledger?spy&coll=1

Wednesday's Sausage Links

2006-10-11T08:41:00.000-04:00

Punter and steroid aficionado Todd Saurbraun was juicing...again...and still no one gets it http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2619596

Matsuzaka isn't a car from Japan, but a pitcher who is likely to have a major impact in MLB next year http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/baseball/mlb/10/10/daisuke.matsuzaka.ap/index.html

With a combined age of 93, this college tennis doubles team is like Julio Franco...except fatter http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/tennis/10/10/bc.ten.40.lovetennis.ap/index.html

This rule should make me hate Antoine Walker a lot less http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2620756

Play of the Weekend

2006-10-10T10:43:00.000-04:00

Apparently, in the 1950's there was a football play called a "jump pass". I'm not sure if Urban Meyer was even alive back then, but this play call with his Frosh QB Tim Tebow ranks right up there with the best plays in college football this year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJFgVBP8rI

This play, however, doesn't come close to last year's top play. Tyrone Prothro from Alabama made this incredible grab behind a defender's head for a TD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GIpSlR07Jo

New York Conspiracy Theory

2006-10-10T09:57:00.000-04:00

Sports fans watched in awe Saturday while the Yankees lost three consecutive playoff games, and the Mets swept their way through the first round later in the night. This, many feel, was the best baseball day for a Met fan in a long time. For once they weren't playing second fiddle...or were they?

I made sure to watch the highlights on SportsCenter that night, but there only seemed to be one thing that was being reported- the firing of Yankee Manager Joe Torre, a story which broke immediately following the Met victory on Saturday night. Now we find out that Torre may not actually be out as the Yankee manager after all (as the Daily News originally reported on Saturday night). So was this entire rumor a big smoke screen?

Could it be that this story was intentionally fabricated with the intention of diverting the spotlight away from the Mets? This is the first time in nearly 20 years that the Mets have been playing baseball while the Yanks are sitting at home- likely learning new quiche recipes. Not only that, but the Mets are doing it with a young, exciting team which cost nearly half the money to build.

Be on the look-out for some big time A-Rod trade rumors or tabloid pictures of Giambi doing porn if the Mets take the NLCS.

Sausage Links

2006-10-10T08:46:00.000-04:00

Since I've been posting links in the mornings, I decided to name this section "Sausage Links"...you know, because it's near breakfast and stuff.

Ron Artest, Hip-Hop superstar: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=alipour/061005

Ricky Williams smokes people...sort of: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15201357/

He's nearly an 8-footer, and China continues to grow really large people: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15199095/

NFL Picks

2006-10-10T07:57:00.000-04:00

Wow, my picks were terrible this week, 2-3 again. On a positive note for me, I won 2/3 bets with my buddy Jeff (49ers, Cards).

JAGUARS 7 Jets (L)
VIKINGS 6.5 Lions (W)
BEARS 11 Bills (L)
COLTS 18 Titans (L)
49ers 3.5 Raiders (W)

Suicide Pool: Colts over Titans...barely 5-0

Season 14-10-1

Happy Friday

2006-10-06T08:55:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry, after the game went late last night, I'm way too hungover/tired to post anything decent. I have done a lot lately though, so catch up on anything you missed.

This should be entertaining enough, Steven Jackson was shooting at people outside a strip club. Marquis Daniels and Jamaal Tinsley- also packing glocks: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2615124

The 76ers lost to FC Barcelona, who apparently is a basketball team. Either that or they lost to a soccer team at basketball- Allen Iverson was 3-of-12 from the field and 7-of-13 from the line. I always thought that FC stood for football club...am I retarded? By the way, Iverson hangs out with Thierry Henry now. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15149209/

NFL Picks- Week 5

2006-10-05T15:32:00.000-04:00

Last week was lackluster, but as a reader pointed out, if Jacksonville had gotten off their knees and not blown the Skins game, I would have been 3-2. This week looks particularly difficult to me, but here goes:

JAGUARS 7 Jets
VIKINGS 6.5 Lions
BEARS 11 Bills
COLTS 18 Titans
49ers 3.5 Raiders

Suicide Pool: PANTHERS over Browns
(The pick I did in my actual suicide pool was the Colts- couldn't get my partner to agree on Panthers)

Mets Game 1

2006-10-05T10:43:00.000-04:00

I couldn't help it, I had to write something about Game 1. After trying to watch the first couple innings at work, I met up with my buddy Jay at Turtle Bay in NYC. Dollar beers baby! Jay is Boston fan, which is cool because I get along with Red Sox fans based on a mutual hatred for the Blue Jays and Devil Rays.

- I got to the bar in the 4th, right when we started bashing some homers. Nice. Ordered the first round, double fisting the dollar beers. All is well, 2-1.

- Back to the double tag out, how could Jeff Kent seriously be that slow? The ball hit the frickin wall and he got thrown out from second. It was basically his fault that both outs were made b/c Drew took the same sign that Kent did.

- Weird that we had the Carlos Delgado is Pedro Serrano from Major League conversation last night- Simmons wrote the same thing today. Jay thought that Ortiz was more Serrano-esque, but Delgado's facial hair takes it.

- I feel like everyone who used to play for the Braves has an ability to burn us because of their history of whipping our ass- see Rafael Furcal, Wilson Betemit...you scare me forever. See also: Tom Glavine, please don't screw us tonight.

-I realized that this was our first meaningful game since June or so. Jay mentioned that the Twins were red hot and now down 2-0. TRUE.

- I killed Willie for leaving Mota in to bat. Heilman is the guy to go 2 innings. Then Mota got smoked. Then my brother suggested via text that Julio Franco should be the manager. Then I remembered what it's like to be a Met fan again.

-Around the 7th or so, I called Shawn Green a p*ssy for the 22nd time. The definition of not showing up- in the field or at the dish. 4th round of double fisting dollar beers.

-Game is over after a scare from HillBilly Wagner. Was it in his contract to scare us just as much as our other closers did? All the Yankee fans that were pregaming are gone before we enjoy the win...hope you had fun in the rain SUCKERS!

-AND I ALMOST FORGOT: I said to Jay, well I'm confident that Grady Little will win this game for us. And then HE DID. The bizarro move of bringing Penny out of the bullpen really scared me since I was in a bar and then without explanation, the All-Star Game starter was in. But since he was coming back from an injury, it probably would have been better to save him for game 3 or 4. Then we rocked him. Sweet.

Check These Out

2006-10-05T07:52:00.000-04:00

A couple things to keep you busy:

“It was an accident. Milton Bradley came into the dugout, threw his batting gloves up, hit the coffee and it landed on me,” Loaiza said. “It’s baseball.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15134997/

This picture pretty much sums up the strange turning points in yesterday's games.

Later I'll discuss how Grady Little overshadowed Willie Randolph as yesterday's worst manager. Check out Bill Simmons' live blog of the game (he's done one for each game 1).

BALLOUT! with your...balls out?

2006-10-04T15:47:00.000-04:00

I "lifted" this right off of Deadspin.com, the website responsible for some of my readers. I couldn't help it.

If you're going to wear jeans and sneakers, please make sure they are fresh. If I wore a blue tee, would Pacman throw me out? It is nice to see he doesn't discriminate against white and black though.

The New Posts

2006-10-04T14:34:00.000-04:00

I have sort of decided to keep throwing thoughts down about the playoffs in the interest of time. Since I have less time to post, I can't do too many in-depth things such as the Tiger-Federer debate as often. So these short commentaries seem to fit for now.

While I'm on the topic, you make the call: Goose Gossage or Boof Bonser

I'm going to keep an entire log of my entire Mets experience Thursday night...which will last approximately 7 hours. Trust me, it will be good, we haven't been in the playoffs in 6 years.

NY Baseball Notes

2006-10-04T11:46:00.000-04:00

The Yankees were absolutely dominant last night. No matter what was going on, it didn't feel like the Tigers had a chance in hell. With the Sushi Shef healthy again (a Matsui/Sheffield combo), their lineup is one of the best ever. I would be shocked if this team doesn't get to the World series, especially after watching the AL teams play yesterday.

The Mets haven't even started playing yet and I already am feeling sick about this. We need 6 innings out of our starters so that the Heilman-Mota-Wagner triangle of death can take over. Only problem is 2 of our top 3 starters are no longer on the postseason roster. John Maine is great, but he's the game 1 starter, which makes me want to cry. I'm just glad to be going to the Glavine game tomorrow.

The Perfect Yankee Game

2006-10-04T10:58:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, I went to the last Yankee game of season. For the record, I would rather have hemorrhoids than be a Yankee fan. This was my second trip to Yankee Stadium, and my first non-Met game there. I am enough of a baseball fan that when I'm offered a ticket to a Yankee game I'll go for the sake of seeing a game. I will not root out loud for either team, I'll just watch and drink.

We didn't get to the parking lot till the second, and we didn't finish off the beer till the 6th- which seemed like a good time to go inside. This was the best part, my buddies John and Kyle are a Mets fan and a not-so-big sports fan so the game was of little concern. Really I couldn't take the Der-ek Je-ter chants for more than 3 innings anyway. I swear every man woman and child in that stadium would blow him (yes, probably your MVP and it was the last game of the season...is it like that every game?). The Blue Jays prevailed on a homer by a nobody and the Yankees lost, dropping them to a tie with the Mets for baseball's best record. Sweet.

3 innings, a Toronto home run, a Yankee loss, and a delicious hot dog...now that's a good Yankee game.

Live Blogging the Playoffs

2006-10-03T15:02:00.000-04:00

First off, does anyone read this anymore? my readership has been sinking like crazy since I couldn't post every day last week. Well, if for no reason other than to talk to myself here are my thoughts on day 1 of the baseball playoffs.

-First things first, my brother Tom just scared the sh*t out of me with the following text message: "Dynasty satrts tomorrow, El Duque will carry us to the promise land".

-Does anyone else love Frank Thomas for absolutely no reason? He homered off of Santana in the second inning and I was excited...but not sure why.

-What is this old timers day? He and Rondell White are the only guys with home runs and multiple hits.

-Zito and Santana are superhumans right now...talk about turning it on for the playoffs. Both still pitching in the 8th.

-I just spent $120 for a Mets ticket. I am really nervous about them losing Thursday. As a matter of fact, I have very little confidence...El Duque is pitching game 1. When you haven't seen one of your teams win a championship since you were 7, these things start to drive you crazy.

-What shirt do I wear to the game? Wright, Reyes, or Division Champs?

-When your team hasn't won the division in this long, you buy the shirt.

I wanted to end things there but The Big Hurt just went deep again. I was wondering why the Twinkies brought in this guy Jesse Crain to pitch to the meat of the A's order. This is the playoffs baby, don't be f'in around in a 5 game series. Oh look, that run is really going to cost them. 3-2 final, way to go idiots.

NFL Picks

2006-10-03T08:55:00.000-04:00

2-3 this week. My first losing record, but I guess not too bad. Is Buffalo for real?

BUFFALO 1 Minnesota (L)
KANSAS CITY 7 San Francisco (L)
Jacksonville 2.5 Washington (L)
Cleveland 2.5 Oakland (W)
ST. LOUIS 5.5 Detroit (W)

SUICIDE POOL: Eagles over Packers (W, 4-0)

Overall Record: 12-7-1

Baseball: 8 Remain

2006-10-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

Taking a look at the final standings, you may be interested in the following results:

-The Mets and Yanks finished with identical 97-65 records, the best in baseball.

-The Twins finished just a game behind those two.

-The following teams would have made the playoffs in the NL based on record: Blue Jays, Red Sox, White Sox, Angels.

-The Royals 3 wins to end the season didn't just knock the Tigers from the top of the division, it helped them avoid baseball's worst record. The DRays were 61-101, the Royals 62-100.

-The DRays actually had a winning record at home this year, but were a disgusting 20-61 on the road.

-Only 6 teams in baseball had a losing record at home, and the NL only had 3 teams with winning records on the road (AL had 7). And the AL has home field advantage in the playoffs. Now that's an advantage all right.

-The White Sox didn't make the playoffs, but would have won 2 divisions in the NL.

-The Yankees scored 65 more runs than anyone else. Phillies were 2nd.

-Detroit allowed the fewest runs, with Minnesota and San Diego being the only other teams to allow under 700 runs.

-The A's finished 24 games over .500 and only outscored their opponents by 44 runs.

-The Cardinals only outscored their opponents by 19.

THIS WEEK

2006-10-02T13:03:00.000-04:00

Since I have started a new job this week, I can't really spend an hour or two posting every morning. So unless I end up finding someone to help me, I'll most likely just be posting on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the time being. There will be new material on tomorrow morning. For now, entertain yourself with these:

I've always wanted to rip off someone's helmet and stomp their head with my cleats:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2609563

We love steroids Gossip:
http://cbs.sportsline.com/mlb/story/9698179

Christian Laettner and some ex-college player somehow have enough dough to buy the Grizzlies:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15091400/

For tomorrow morning, we'll look at how the MLB teams finished and add a few other things as well.

Week 4 NFL Picks

2006-09-29T21:35:00.000-04:00

After a 10-4-1 start, I'll try not to spoil it:

BUFFALO 1 Minnesota
KANSAS CITY 7 San Francisco
Jacksonville 2.5 Washington
Cleveland 2.5 Oakland
ST. LOUIS 5.5 Detroit

Suicide Pool: Eagles over Packers

My Apologies

2006-09-27T17:59:00.000-04:00

I got a little done tonight but I've been very busy this week in Florida and had some bad internet connections.

If anyone wants to be a part-time contributor to the site (especially during weeks like this), let me know via email or in the comments section. Thanks.

-Choke Artist

Week 3 Pick Results

2006-09-27T17:55:00.001-04:00

Week 3 Football Pick Results

Lions -6.5 Packers (W)
Colts -7 Jags (T)
Skins -4 Texans (W)
Ravens -6.5 Browns (L)
Eagles -6 49ers (W)

Week 3 Record 3-1-1

SEASON 10-4-1

Suicide Pool: Ravens (W), 3-0

Chargers Challenge Bengals

2006-09-27T17:39:00.000-04:00

No, not in football- in the NFL public safety tally. Since April, four Chargers players have been in trouble, including Steve Foley who was shot several times right before the season began. This time it was Terrance Kiel who was chugging Robitussin, no wait, selling cough syrup. Kiel has also been shot before (3 times between getting drafted and opening day '03), so this pretty much makes him the #1 thug on the Chargers.

So Kiel was shipping cough syrup to Texas, repackaged in "pint sized water bottles". This is codeine-based cough syrup referred to as "lean" which can be mixed with soda to enhance some other hardcore drugs. Still no word on why he thought putting cough syrup in water bottles and mailing them to Texas was a good idea. I'm sure he was thinking something along the lines of, "Well how was I supposed to get them there? I couldn't miss practice."

THIS WEEK ON CHOKE ARTIST

2006-09-24T23:05:00.000-04:00

Due to a business trip, Choke Artist will only be updated twice this week (probably Tues. and Thurs.) rather than daily. Thanks for reading!

-Choke Artist

That's What He's Talkin About

2006-09-22T09:53:00.000-04:00

I failed to mention yesterday that Dontrelle Willis hit two home runs and got the win against the Mets on Wednesday. Well I'm glad that I forgot, because I heard an interview with Willie Randolph yesterday that went something like this (I hope it's ok to quote something that you don't remember word for word):

"Well I asked Oliver what the hell he was thinking throwing the guy an 86 mile per hour fastball right down the middle, and he told me that he didn't think Willis was going to swing at it. Well he swing at it alright, he hit the crap out of the ball."

Willis threw 124 pitches on top of the home runs and was an out away from a complete game. The D-Train is just 24 years old and has already compiled a 58-38 record with a 3.41 ERA. He also seems to have a rubber arm, tossing 15 CGs and 8 shutouts over his first 4 seasons. I predicted at one point that Willis' strange delivery would lead to an injury or players figuring him out (i.e. Hideo Nomo), but so far he has proved me absolutely wrong and it looks like he'll be killing the Mets for a long time unless they can lure him away from Florida.

The Home Run Kings

2006-09-22T09:22:00.000-04:00

The future slugger of MLB is here and his name is Ryan Howard. If the Phillies make the playoffs, Howard will likely be crowned MVP with gaudy stats of .312/57/140 (NL MVP debate next week). Needing just 4 home runs to reach the once-majestical 61, Howard's current pace puts him on exactly 61 homers. If Howard were to break the "old" record of 61, many (including myself) would assume that he was the first clean player to break the "old" record. Although there is no way of knowing if he is actually clean, aside from a public drug test, Howard's youth, his $355k salary, and as Steven A. Smith would say, "his Magic Johnson smile" make him much more likeable than say, Barry Bonds.

Bonds, on the other hand, is quietly creeping up on Hank Aaron's all-time record. Since Barry has become such a black sheep, everyone has stopped paying attention to his 24 home runs this year. By the way, he still leads MLB in on base percentage. Did you know that Barry has never hit 50 home runs in any season other than his record setting 73? Back to my point though, Barry has piled up 732 home runs at this point, and the all-time record is just 755. If Barry plays next year, he'll need just 23 home runs, and that's assuming he doesn't get any more this season. This is bad, really really bad. How would you like to see Barry Bonds break Hank Aaron's all-time record as a DH for the Blue Jays? Things like that are not too unreasonable. If Barry can play next year, chances are he'll taint the record books once again. Is Barry like the Michael Jackson of baseball or something?

Week 3 Picks

2006-09-22T09:16:00.000-04:00

After a 7-3 start, hopefully these picks keep it going:

Lions -6.5 Packers
Colts -7 Jags
Skins -4 Texans
Ravens -6.5 Browns
Eagles -6 49ers

Suicide Pool: Ravens

Friday's Headliners

2006-09-22T08:51:00.000-04:00

The Orioles have been so bad for so long that 1,000 fans walked out last night during the game with shirts reading "Free the Birds". The protest was due to Peter Angelos' terrible run as GM.

The Giants face the Seahawks on the road this week. After the Colts at home and the Eagles on the road, this has to be the toughest schedule in the NFL.

The BALCO Reporters who wrote "Game of Shadows" are going to jail for 18 months after refusing to say who leaked the grand jury testimony to them.

Hockey Preseason was underway last night. Remember the good old days when they were on strike?

Big Papi hit 2 more home runs, bringing his season total to 52 and breaking the Red Sox record previously held by Jimmie Foxx for the last 68 years. Johan Santana took the loss.

Aces Pedro Martinez and Rich Harden were back tto work for their playoff teams last night. Neither looks ready for a full 7 or 8 innings, but both look to be progressing well.

Did you know that Arena Football has a minor league? AF2 had their championship game last night. When you are in the minor league of the minor leagues, why are you even playing?

Twice in a Lifetime?

2006-09-21T09:55:00.000-04:00

Last night I got the chance to watch "Once in a Lifetime" on ESPN. The story of the New York Cosmos was something that I wanted to see for some time, being an avid soccer fan. I would consider it a documentary, however, there are a ton of highlights and old footage spliced in. The team that boasted an incredible international roster with some of soccer's all-time greats (Pele, Beckenbauer) enjoyed their successes in the late 70's and into the early 80's. Soccer had arrived in America, and the Cosmos were bigger superstars than the Yankees are today. They partied like rockstars and hung out with them too- Mic Jagger was a locker room regular.

Then TV got involved, with major networks picking up the playoffs one year. The Cosmos were upset in the semis, and viewership for the final was as bad as the NHL Finals (the game was at noon during the summer). Just like that, the TV contract was pulled, then the World Cup '86 was awarded to Mexico- bastards. The biggest market in the world could have been opened up to soccer, but instead everything folded faster than the CBA under Isiah Thomas.

Bad business planning didn't help the situation much either. All of the stars that had been recruited to the Cosmos were at the ends of their careers when the league folded. There was no effort to bring in younger players to keep things fresh, and no teams other than the Cosmos seemed to want to shell out the dough. The league was over, and hope was (and still is) lost for soccer in the US.

If there were some wealthy owners in the MLS, this formula could work again. Record high numbers watched the World Cup this year in the US, and crowds flocked to see international superstars from Barcelona and Chesea play in the States. Beckham, Ronaldo, we're looking at you- superstars who are getting older. So who's ponying up the cash?

More Nightmare, Less Fantasy

2006-09-21T09:34:00.000-04:00

They went in the first round (or early 2nd) of almost every fantasy draft, they may be the cornerstone of your fantasy teams. They have combined for 12 points under the standard scoring system- in FOUR games. I didn't start one of them last week- and was happy about it. They have been outscored combined by the likes of Mack Strong, LaDell Betts, Brandon Jacobs, Travis Henry, and Michael Turner. They are LaMont Jordan and Cadillac Williams.

LaMont Jordan 1.9 YPC, 55 rush yds, 0 rec. yds, 0 TD

Cadillac Williams 2.6 YPC, 59 rush yds, 25 rec. yds, 0 TD

The outlook looks even worse for Jordan, who's team may not score for the rest of the season. Many experts predict that they won't win a single game. At least Cadillac is part of a team who still has a chance of putting it together. Either way, the teams with these guys in my fantasy leagues are getting killed. So guys, step it up, for the sake of all fantasy managers.

Coming Up...

2006-09-21T09:12:00.000-04:00

Later This Morning:

2006 Fantasy Busts- Cadillac vs. LaMont

Once in a Lifetime- When soccer meant something in the US

Thursday's Headliners

2006-09-21T09:01:00.000-04:00

The Yankees clinched their 9th consecutive AL East title, despite a 3-2 loss to Toronto.

Big Papi couldn't help the Sox cause enough with his 50th HR

The Phillies are now tied for the Wild Card lead with LA. Did the Abreu/Lidle trade help them?

Sergio Garcia called out Tiger right before the Ryder Cup (Tiger has a 7-11-2) career record there. Tiger is still pissed about the nude photos of his wife, so I hope Sergio brings along some copies if they meet up.

The Red Bulls (aka the Metrostars) plan to break ground soon on the most expensive soccer stadium in the country. It will be in Harrison, NJ, which is one of the craziest soccer towns in the Northeast due to their large population of people from soccer-loving countries. Harrison is easily accessible via the PATH train from NYC so hopefully this will give the team a boost in revenue and attendance. They should be finished in summer '08.

The Griffey Effect...or NOT

2006-09-20T14:32:00.000-04:00

I was extremely busy earlier and got ahead of myself thinking about a Ken Griffey Jr. post. I actually had my timing completely off when I thought of this earlier and promised a post. My original thought: "Wow, the Reds sure have fallen out of the Wild Card since Griffey went down". We all know that the Reds were in the Wild Card lead for some time, but now appear all but dead after acquiring countless no-name middle relievers.

After some research, I realized I was completely wrong. Griffey got hurt on Sept. 4th. At this point, the Reds had already fallen to 68-70. Since then, they are 6-7. Obviously not such a terrible fall off. They were 3.5 games out of the WC, and are now 5 games out.

Well it seemed like they fell off after he got hurt, right? Oh well, if this kills any credibility that I may or may not have had, so be it. The Reds actually lost 9 of 10 games immediately before his injury. So I was close. Sort of. Or not.

A-Rod: So Hot Right Now

2006-09-20T12:37:00.000-04:00

Jason Giambi wants A-Rod to take out his tampon and start playing baseball like a man. Sports Illustrated is producing an article that gives us an insight to exactly why no one has stuck up for A-Rod in the press; because he's a pansy and they don't like him- at all. A-Rod's .286/34/116 is not nearly enough to overshadow that fact that he wears purple lipstick during games.

An excerpt of a Giambino/A-Rod exchange:

-----A-Rod: "I've had five hits in Boston."

-----Giambi: "You f*cking call those hits?" Giambi said, according to SI. "You had two f*ucking dinkers to right field and a ball that bounced over the third baseman! Look at how many pitches you missed!

I am not making this up, here is the ESPN.com article. I'm also starting to see why Yankee fans dislike the Rod:

-----When people write [bad things] about me, I don't know if it's [because] I'm good-looking, I'm biracial, I make the most money, I play on the most popular team ..."

Or maybe it's because you say things like that. You just can't make this stuff up. Did he seriously just call himself good-looking? It could only have been better is he said "Really really ridiculously good looking" and then flashed Blue Steel at us. I only wish he went on further, "Models help people, they show them how to dress cool and wear their hair in interesting ways..."

Coming Up

2006-09-20T11:58:00.000-04:00

Sorry today's posts are delayed, I am moving desks and have had tech guys at my comp all day.

Later on, you can look forward to:

-The Griffey Effect

-Giambi makes A-rod his B*tch

Wednesday's Headliners

2006-09-20T09:35:00.000-04:00

The Padres avenged a heartbreaking defeat the previous night by reclaiming first place in the NL West. Twins now trail Tigers by a half.

The Phillies are now just 1 game behind the Dodgers in what has essentially become a two team race.

The Mets scrubs beat the Marlins 3-2. The lineup featured 82 year-old Julio Franco batting clean-up and 14 year-old Lastings Milledge in the 3 hole.

More on the Yankees in a later post. Who would ant to miss Giambi calling A-Rod a p*ssy?

Tiger Woods is mad at a porno site. No, seriously, check it out.

Don't Look Now, but Tampa is actually worse than the Royals after a 9-game skid.

Oklahoma might not play any more games against the Pac-10...like, ever- following the officiating debacle this past weekend.

Mets = Playoffs

2006-09-19T23:58:00.000-04:00

The Mets have their first division title in 18 years and their first playoff appearance since the turn of the century so I couldn't help writing something. So here is a synopsis of the post game celebration:

Wagner: The energy is so high, I keep feeling like someone might get hospitalized when he suddenly juices one up to 110 mph. The crowd is ravenous, why am I not there?

...Wow, that was quick

Pedro: One of the only guys who knows what the party inside is like. He bolts from the field first like a little kid, going for the free t-shirt and some bubbly.

Paul LoDuca: So excited that he says "F*ckin amazing" live on SNY.

Lastings Milledge: "This is my first drink baby!"

Chris Cotter: SNY reporter gets drowned in bubbly while doing his locker room interviews, ruining his perfectly spiked hair.

...this is like a scene from a sports movie, Aaron Heilman (that tight ass) is the only one who did a professional interview. Everyone else is partying like rock stars.

Cliff Floyd: Has the last out in his pocket. It's likely soaked in alcohol, which should increase its EBay value.

...The Mets definitely lost the last few games on purpose so they could win at home.

Tom Glavine: He's dry, still talking about the Braves. I kind of hate him.

Willie Randolph: Got his hat taken off and an entire can of Bud Light poured in his eyes by an unknown assailant while doing an interview alongside Fred Wilpon.

I don't remember the last division championship, but this one sure was sweet.

Pete Rose's Balls

2006-09-19T09:20:00.000-04:00

Pete Rose has signed a bunch of baseballs with the phrase "I'm sorry I bet on baseball" printed above his signature. This really could be one of the best things to happen to sports memorabilia since the Red Sox sold a Fenway toilet back when I first started this blog. What if everyone who did something wrong confessed it on a piece of memorabilia?

Mark McGwire: "I'm sorry, I took my horse's medicine by accident".

Dwight Gooden: "I'm sorry, I thought it was powdered sugar".

Travis Henry: "I'm sorry I got arrested. I'm sorry I got arrested. I'm sorry I got arrested. I'm sorry I got arrested. I'm sorry I got arrested".

Maurice Clarett: "I'm sorry I tried to start my own army...I was drunk".

Jermaine O'Neal: "I'm sorry I slipped and turned that fans face into peanut butter".

Just off the top of my head...

NFL Picks

2006-09-18T23:16:00.000-04:00

My picks went 4-1 this week, which means 7-3 after 2 weeks. Here were the picks:

Patriots -6 JETS (W)
RAVENS -12 Raiders (W)
Rams -3 49ERS (L)
Bills +6.5 DOLPHINS (W)
Chiefs +10.5 BRONCOS (W)

Suicide Pool: Bengals over Browns (W)

Tuesday's Headliners

2006-09-18T22:59:00.000-04:00

The Mets clinched the NL East, more on this later.

NFL Teams in Big Trouble @ 0-2: Miami, Carolina, Tampa, Washington.

NFL Teams at a surprising 2-0: New Orleans, Minnesota, Baltimore, Atlanta

Maurice Clarett will serve at least 3.5 yrs in prison.

Javon Kearse is out for the year after being injured Sunday in the Eagles' blown game against the g-g-g-men.

The idiot referee crew from the Oklahoma-Oregon game has been suspended after screwing up big time and giving the game to the Ducks.

The Miami Hurricanes dropped out of the top 25 after a loss to Louisville. Larry Coker is on the hot seat.

Monday's Posts

2006-09-18T02:15:00.000-04:00

Sorry everyone, I won't be posting again until Monday night. After an incredible whitewater trip at the Gauley River in West Virginia, I'll be going fishing off the Jersey coast after 2 hours of sleep. Feel free to check out the Tiger vs. Federer post if you haven't already (from late on Friday).

-Choke Artist

The Great Debate

2006-09-15T11:12:00.000-04:00

THE TIGER VS. FEDERER COMPARISON

Tiger is 30 years old, and he was born in Cypress, California. His birth name is Eldrick, which is one of the weirdest names I've ever heard. He turned pro in 1996.

Federer is 25 years old and was born in Basel, Switzerland. Federer turned pro in 1998.

The better tennis players in the world have about a 15-20 year window for their pro careers, while golfers tend to be able to get significantly more time out of a career. For example, Vijay Singh turned pro in 1982 and is still one of the top players in the world. So we have to make comparisons based on where they are now, rather than where they will be in the future. We'll also have to assume that each sport has the same degree of difficulty, requires the same amount of athleticism, etc. (even though fat people can play golf but not tennis).

Money/Rank: Both players lead the '06 money list rankings in their respective sports. Federer is poised to finish at the top of the list for the 4th time in 8 years (and for the 4th straight time). Tiger should finish at the top for the 7th time in 11 years. In his first 8 years, Tiger finished first 5 times, one more than Federer did in his first 8. That's a pretty even way to compare them, right? Slight edge to Tiger. It should be noted, though that Federer is probably hotter today after winning the US Open, while Tiger got bounced from Match Play in the first round.

Majors/Grand Slams: Tiger has won 12 majors (2nd all-time incl. 4 Masters, 2 US Open, 3 Open, 3 PGA) in 46 appearances (26% win rate). He finished in the top 5 20/46 times in majors. Federer has 9 Grand Slams in 30 appearances (30% win rate). As Tiger does not relinquish the lead in the final day of a tournament, Federer is just as clutch, going 9-1 in Grand Slam Finals. Edge goes to Federer because he has had 2 less pro seasons, and his success rate is slightly more watered down because of this, yet is still higher in terms of % (the first 2 years of being pro often is met with less success).

Pro Wins: Federer owns 41 singles titles, including 27 on hard courts, but just 5 on clay, Rafael "Girly Man" Nadal has dominated the clay over the past few years. Tiger has 53 career wins, and does excel on longer courses, however, does not have any real perceived weaknesses when it comes to the type of course he plays. If you projected Federer's wins over two more years, they would be almost exactly equal. The edge, however, must go to Tiger simply because the clay court specialist Nadal has kept Federer from total domination.

Career Achievements:

Federer has the third longest streak at #1 in the world...and counting. He was the first since 1988 to win 3 Slams in one year. He is the only player ever to win both the US Open and Wimbledon three consecutive times ('04-'06)...and counting. He was the youngest player ever ranked in the top 100. He is the first player ever to win 4 Masters Titles in a year. He and Agassi are the only players ever to win all 7 major hard court championships. First player ever to win a Masters Final 6-0, 6-0. Has share of record for most Grand Slam semis appearances. Tied an "open era" record by winning his first four Grand Slam Finals appearances, and then added three more to the record. He's the only player to win 10 titles in a season without losing a final. Seriously, I'm sick of reading these, check out the link at the bottom of this page for more.

Tiger is the highest paid athlete in the world. When Tiger won the Masters (his first win ever) it was by a record 12 strokes. He was atop the world rankings for a record 264 consecutive weeks and owns more weeks at the top spot than anyone ever. His win by 15 at the '00 US Open at Pebble Beach broke a nearly 150 year old record. In all four majors, Tiger has at least a share of the record low score. Broke the consecutive cuts record of 113 and extended it to 142. First player ever to win two majors in consecutive years. Again, for more check out the link at the bottom.

Really, I'm overwhelmed at this point. How can you even quantify these achievements? I can't believe how close these two are in respect to dominating their sports. I will say that Tiger has no rival, and thus may be slightly more above the competition in his sport, however, his edge over Federer is slim. Federer shows no signs of letting up, and had they experienced the same number of pro seasons so far, Federer may look even better. Final edge is to Tiger, barely.

Much of this information is courtesy of Wilkipedia: TIGER FEDERER

Please share your thoughts, tell me how little I know about golf and tennis, etc.

NFL Picks

2006-09-15T09:56:00.000-04:00

After going a not-so-impressive 3-2 last week, I will make another attempt at picking some NFL games for this weekend, although this week has some huge spreads.

Patriots -6 JETS
RAVENS -12 Raiders
Rams -3 49ERS
Bills +6.5 DOLPHINS
Chiefs +10.5 BRONCOS

Home teams in CAPS

Suicide Pool Pick
Bengals over Browns: based on their schedule, the Bengals have the fewest "easy" games left out of the heavy weekend favorites.

Friday's Headliners

2006-09-15T09:43:00.000-04:00

Tiger ended up losing in the first round of match play. Now no one will watch.

Steve Slaton of West Virginia rushed for 167 yards in the first half against the school who didn't want him a couple years ago. Slaton finished with 195 yds on 21 carries as WVU thumped Maryland 45-24.

Reggie Bush may jeopardize his heisman as well as USC's National Championships, among other things, as a Yahoo! sports investigation found that he received over $100,000 from agents while at USC. Apparently Yahoo! is into investigating things these days.

Steve Foley, the Chargers players who was shot by an off duty cop 3 times, had a BAC of .233. That sounds more like a batting average. So Foley, did you even feel those bullets?

Derek Jeter extended his hitting streak to 23 games in a Yankee win over Tampa.

The Mets will clinch the NL East if they win any of their final 16 games, or if the Phillies lose another game (their magic number is now 1).

The Twins (1 GB) and the Padres (.5 GB) are starting to think division title, rather than Wild Card.

Samkon Swapped for Vernand

2006-09-14T10:01:00.000-04:00

Go quickly and pick up Samkon Gado for your fantasy league teams. By the way, you can drop Wail Lundy after this week. But there is more to this trade than two bad teams swapping backup RB's. According to ESPN.com and Wilkipedia, these aren't your typical running backs:

Gado will likely become the Texans starter, and that's interesting because he started more games for the Packers last year than he did in his entire college career. Yeah, and he went to college at freaking Liberty! Liberty, by the way is D1-AA. He started just two games in four seasons at Liberty because he shared time with two other backs. I don't really understand how this happened, but it did. After getting injured and being cut from the Chiefs practice squad, Gado landed with the Packers last year- on the practice squad. A slew of injuries made him the starter by default in Green Bay, and he scored 3 TD's in his first game and four more after that in his next four starts. A sprained MCL ended his season with a couple games left and Ahman Green's return meant that Gado would have been riding the pine this year.

Morency is just as intriguing, a 26 year-old second year player. Morency was an All-American in both football and baseball, and spent four years playing center field in the Colorado Rockies farm system before going to pursue football at Oklahoma State. At Ok St., he rushed for over 2600 yards, averaging nearly 6 yards per attempt. He was a third round draft pick of the Texans last year.

Gado will likely be starting by next week and Morency will likely be starting after Ahman Green's inevitable injury occurs.

Villanova Heads to the NBA

2006-09-14T09:50:00.000-04:00

After a terrific '05-'06 season, Villanova sent 3 players to the NBA. So let's check up on everyone and preview their upcoming seasons in the league:

Randy Foye was MVP of the Vegas summer league after being the #7 overall pick, scoring 24.8 ppg and shooting 53%. Foye should get significant playing time from the T'Wolves this season, especially since he has the flexibility of playing the 1, 2, or 3. He was often responsible for guarding everyone from power forwards to point guards in Villanova's 4 guard lineup, and his defense is expected to translate well to the NBA. 25.2% of the 17,000+ voters on ESPN say Foye will win the Rookie of the Year this year. The player he has drawn comparisons to the most is Dwayne Wade.

On the Wolves this year, Foye will have to fight for his playing time with PG Mike James, SG's Ricky Davis and Trenton Hassell, as well as Troy Hudson at the 3. While the weakest position is obviously the 3, expect Foye to get some starts at the 1 and the 2 also. It may become problematic starting Davis and James together, since both tend to be "chuckers". This would bode well for Foye, who doesn't necessarily always look to shoot first and can attack the basket.

Kyle Lowry was the first round pick of the Grizzlies and had an average summer league, described by ESPN.com as "up and down". Lowry is the definition of a hard worker and his outside shot continues to improve. He is a lock-down defender and rebounds superbly for his size. Everyone loves Lowry's motor (draft lingo), and that should help him gain the respect of his coaches.

Look for Lowry to use this year to learn the NBA game (remember, he's only 20 years old). He'll be playing behind Damon Stoudamire and Chucky Atkins at the point for the Grizzlies. I think Chucky Atkins used to hang out with Lowry's Grandpa.

Allan Ray shot lights out at the Summer League and was picked up by the Celtics. ESPN.com called his performance "among the best in Vegas", and called his contract "impressive, given the number of young players already on the roster". As we know, there is always room on the roster for a shooter. A-Ray easily has NBA range on his 3-pointers and can get as hot as anyone from beyond the arc. The fact that his game is not one-dimensional, however, should give him a chance for more PT.

A-Ray will have to contend with a trio of young talent at the point- Delonte "I swear it's not an STD" West, Sebastian Telfair, and Rajon Rondo, with the obvious presence of Paul Pierce at the 2. I would look for Ray to get marginal, situational playing time until he can differentiate himself form the other young guards.

All three guys have a great chance to start in the league regularly as early as next year, but expect Foye to be the only one with a shot at an All-Rookie team. Coaches are going to love the defense and rebounding that they all developed out of necessity while playing in such a small college lineup.