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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

 

I Guarantee That I Want Some Attention

Over the last couple days, I have heard some of the most outlandish guarantees since my buddy Z guaranteed a hookup in college only to fail miserably and doom himself to a lifetime of ridicule. That is exactly what is going to happen to Lions WR Roy Williams and Nebraska CB Andre Jones.

Let's start with the pro, Roy Williams, who was rated as a top 15 receiver in everyone's fantasy draft, only to continue his career of massive disappointments and rack up a grand total of 36 yards in the Lions 9-6 loss to Seattle. According to Williams though, they easily could have scored 40 (!) points in the game. Yeah Roy, 12 more field goals and you guys were right there, you came so close to shellacking the defending NFC champs by 31 points, I couldn't even believe it. Maybe you and Kevin Jones could have even gotten 100 yards and a touchdown to prevent every fantasy owner in the country from wanting to murder you. So moving on to the guarantee of victory, that was for the next game against the Bears and the NFL's best defense. I don't see why the Lions wouldn't win, especially since they were outscored by the Bears 57-19 in 2 losses last year (an avg. score of 28.5-9.5).

So I don't know if Andre Jones was more ridiculous in his guarantee of a victory over #4 USC. Jones plays for Nebraska, a 19 point underdog in the game. He didn't totally rip the Trojans though- from MSNBC.com, "We’re going to come up on top. USC is a great team. Of course, it’s not going to be an easy game like it was against Louisiana Tech and Nicholls State." Yeah, in your face Nicholls State!

It's one thing to make a guarantee like Rasheed Wallace does, where your team has a legitimate chance to win. In this case, these guys will be lucky to beat the spread. I think the quote from Tommy Boy was:

"Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of sh*t. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time." Well guys, that's pretty much what you did.

Comments:
"So moving on to the guarantee, that was for the next game against the Bears and the NFL's best defense. I don't see why the Lions wouldn't win, especially since they were outscored by the Bears 57-19 in 2 losses last year (an avg. score of 28.5-9.5)."

whats the guarentee???
 
Right...that they would win
 
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