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Wednesday, August 09, 2006


Clarett Wants to Join Bengals

Well, there must be some explanation for his latest arrest. Early this morning, Maurice Clarett was seen doing an illegal u-turn. After leading police on a chase, he ran over a spike strip in the road and pulled into a parking lot. Clarett then refused to get out of his car and the police tasered him (because they have been tasering a lot of athletes lately- see Dale Davis, AJ Nicholson). But Clarett was immune to the taser! Actually, he was wearing a bullet-proof vest, so they mased him instead.

Four loaded guns were found in the car. I wish the NFL had just let him enter the draft after his freshman year, because maybe none of this would have happened. Clarett was already awaiting trial for several other counts of thuggery stemming from a robbery on January 1.

I heard he wanted to replicate the OJ chase, but as with all things Clarett - couldn't quite get er done. Watch out for him to become a mall security guard, defending a foot locker near you
How was he going to use four guns?
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