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Monday, July 31, 2006

 

Fortunate Sons

SI.com Has published their annual "Fortunate 50". So there were a few surprises, and a ton of "what in holy heck, could Isaiah Thomas have been GM of all these teams!?!" -type names. I'll break it down in a few categories.

So Surprisingly Hot Right Now
*Golfers- Tiger at #1 could be guessed by anyone, but Phil #2? These guys really have the right idea, and they can play till they're 97. And they don't even need to stick needles in their asses!
*Race Car Drivers- Earnhardt Jr. cracks the top 10 and trails only LayBron in endorsements with $20 mil. Jeff "I used to be good when I was 15" Gordon is #17 and Tony "Bumper Car Champ" Stewart is in at #34 with just under $17 mil. Again, no needles in asses!

Worst GM's by FAR are in the NBA
#16- Chris Webber: I refuse to believe that he still has $3 mil in endorsements, love that the 76ers foot the 19+ mil salary.
#20- Michael Finley: 20 mil salary and not even a starter.
#29- Stephon Marbury: 20 mil option for '07-'08. Is Laughingstock one word or two?
#35, #36 #37, #38: Brian Grant, Penny Hardaway, Grant Hill, Jalen Rose: So apparently if you get waived you get paid more later. And if you were good when I was 12, you get paid even more.
#40- Keith Van Horn- Must be the smartest guy in the league. Shaved for the first time 3 weeks ago.

No Love for the Pigskin
Football players have the shortest careers, but its hard to generate revenue on 8 home games. Only 5 in the top 50, led by Carson "I don't suck anymore but I might suck again after my knee was obliterated last season" Palmer.

Final Note
For entertainment you might want to check out the "International 20". There is a 6 year old child with an afro that makes $30 mil a year riding a motorcycle in Italy.

 

Gatlin Gets Pounded

Searching around the sports world today, I pondered what my first post could be. The MLB trade deadline is today, Floyd Landis may be stripped of his Tour De France Crown, Fantasy Football mania has begun...now wait a second, did I just see this headline on CBS Sportsline?

Doping
Coach: Gatlin victim of massage sabotage

Wow, massage sabotage strikes the track and field circuit, now we're talkin. It apparently is in the "doping" seciton . I'm a little perturbed about a section on doping, but lets get to the good stuff.

"Gatlin would also be banned for life, the standard discipline for a second positive test.
The head of the World Anti-Doping Agency, Dick Pound, called for such a penalty."

That has to be some kind of joke. Now we all know that the name Dick is derived from Richard, which would leave me to believe that he wanted his name to be Dick Pound. Sometimes people introduce themselves by just saying "Hi, Justin Gatlin" (for example). Don't you think anyone was ever offended by the inevitable, "Hi, Dick Pound"?

Other possible headlines for this article:
-Dick Pounds Justin
-Gatlin gets Dicked
-Or in the spirit of the website, Gatlin Choked by Dick

 

Introduction to Choke Artist

Welcome to Choke Artist. This blog is a place where we strive to make athletes, coaches, sportswriters, announcers, and especially general managers look as foolish as possible. I hope you enjoy and I'll try to update daily. Thanks for your support and don't choke.

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